Go Fish.

If you're going to spend your night doing something relaxing after a terribly unrelaxing day, I suggest you spend a couple hours..or maybe thirty minutes looking up all the different species of gold fish. I'm kind of obsessed with gold fish. Why? Because no one actually ever owns one. They are usually the fish of choice in movies and television shows, yet whenever I go to a pet store gold fish are never on the menu. In fact the only fish that ever seem to be for sale are Beta fish..which are fucking annoying and overrated and you can't even have them in the same bowl because they kill each other.

I've always loved the gold fish from Pinocchio, Cleo, but have never been able to figure out her species, and it's not like I tried very hard either. She is in fact a Veiltail Goldfish.


I found maybe three good pictures, all horrible sizes, of veiltails on the internet, which strikes me a bit odd. I thought that you could find anything of the internet, apparently "they" meant everything but goldfish.

Panda Goldfish. Seriously this fish is badass.


The Bubble Eye Gold fish is a loner because it looks like this, and it feels how it looks.


The Celestial Eye Goldfish has less puffiness but more confusion in the eyes.
Comet gf are boring. Dude Egg Fish Goldfish look like Gingers or miniature Carrot-tops, but less annoying.


Lionchus are fat and scary. Lionheads are even worse. You know when you're allergic to peanuts and you eat a handful and your whole face swells up..and then you also have welts on your face and maybe your skin is melting? That is a Lionhead Goldfish.
See what I mean?

Pearlscale Goldfish sound like they would be fabulous but instead they look like fat birds (read baby chicken) with polkadots (or a skin disease). I-kid-you-not.


Pompoms have a bunch of crap on their nose. Ranchus are boring. Ryukins however are not. See below.


And all the other ones...don't have pictures because they are that special. But the teleccope eye goldfish have lots of pictures.

Like this one.

Look at that look on it's face. Sometimes I feel like that too.

Did you know that their color pigmentation is a direct response to light? If left in the dark for long periods of time they become grey. For realz. Oh yeah and they are intelligent motherfuckers.

OMFG! It says goldfish can learn to limbo, play fetch and SOCCER. Who writes this shit? I love it.


See! I told you so.