March 28, 2010

And it all comes down to the knives...

Never in my life did I think I would be angry over silverware or steak knives. I am not so much angry as I am speechless. So here is how it all went down.

April 26, 2010
21:00 hours

S to Damage: Have you seen some steak knives and like two other knives that belonged to N's knife block?

Damage: No. We have our own knives that we had in San Diego.

S: Yeah ours had star stickers on them. . .

Damage: Yeah so did ours.

(Really? What are the odds that two sets of people in different parts of the country put star stickers on their knives? And if they in fact did have these so called knives then why have they been with-held from the kitchen since August?)

Oh well I had 10 knives and now I have 6. Plus I can always buy more. It's not like I am moving to California and putting all my stuff in storage for three months like some people I know who don't even need an abundance of mother fucking knives.

April 27, 2010
22:00 Hours

S goes upstairs to use bathroom. He sees a box full of black handled steak knives of different sizes. Then notices Brain staring at him and goes to bathroom. S comes out of bathroom and Brain and Damage have taken that very box into bedroom and are throwing stuff around. S goes downstairs. Damage follows him.

Damage: Hey did you go into one of our packed boxes and steal our steak knives?

S: Seriously dude, how can you even ask me that? Of course we didn't touch any of fucking stuff.

A fight ensues. And the same stuff is repeated for five minutes. Then S comes to tell me what just happened.

Me: I need booze to deal with this.

S returns to the kitchen where Damage is.

Damage: Honestly I don't know anything about this it was just something that Brain brought up.

Wow. Seriously wow. How the hell would anyone normal react to this? I got drunk and stopped caring.

April 28, 2010
13:00 Hours

Brain is throwing kitchen pots and pans into boxes. She seems furious. In fact she clears the kitchen of all their stuff except their 35 jars of beans and random spices that they have yet to use. She forgot to clear the fridge of all the rotting fruits, and she forgot about the pantry full of gourds and 20 canisters of oregano. S goes in the kitchen.

S to Brain: Did you ever find your knives?

Brain: No.

S comes back in the room. We start getting ready to leave. I go into the kitchen and count how many knives I've left in the drawer, just in case a certain stupid bitch gets greedy. We leave. We return 2 hours later. We go into the kitchen to start dinner. All the silverware is packed. Looks like we're only eating finger foods this week, I think to myself. I open the drawer to check my knives. Gone. Jesus Fucking Christ. Arguing with an insane person is stupid. Nothing gets resolved. I could bring up how she went into my things and stole my knives after she accused of doing the same thing, but what would it solve? I would just get angrier and more stressed out and pissed off. I'd rather just throw my hands up and look forward to the brand new knife set I get to buy myself in a couple days.

It wouldn't solve anything. In five days I'll be done with Brain Damage. In five days I will never have to put up with so much juvenile bullshit again.

I guess technically, we're the worst roommates they've ever had. Think about it, we've always kept the house clean, kept our dishes clean, and have never kept shit in the washer for days on end preventing others from using it. We always made sure there was toilet paper in the bathroom when a certain pair of roommates were too fucking drunk to realize there wasn't any. We almost froze to death to keep the heating bill down. We bought the dish strainer and the shower caddy! We never had people over and were loud as fuck until 5 in the morning. We never flang beet juice all over the kitchen just to leave it for other people to clean up. We never bitched them out every time they did something we didn't like. But most importantly, we never stole from them. Because we are not thieves. Oh and also we never accused them of stealing something we know for a fact they didn't take.

So all I have to say after this whole stupid experience is: FUCK THEM! And karma is a bitch.


  1. If they haven't already gone and it's not too late, and if you haven't already done it, you should seriously think about kicking their asses.

  2. LOL! I thought about it and the thing is, I probably based on size could not take either one of them. Based on rage, I'd probably kill them both within a matter of minutes.

    We left though. We are outta there! And there dream of moving to California to sell flower necklaces at graduations fell through and they are moving to Newport.